An old feminist consideration on modern feminism and women reaching their full potential.
Am I still a feminist, well I no longer know. Like many women in the past wanted equality. Parity with men. Are we still looking for equality. I don’t think so, I’m not convinced that’s the aim anymore. I even heard a feminist on TV saying, that when we run the show we’ll have won.
Really.
Won what exactly.
What has feminism done for the ordinary woman. Well initially an awful lot, we can go to university, we can study whatever we want, we don’t have to wear skirts for work, we don’t have to leave our profession because we’ve got married, we can hold on to a career and have a family, we can expect to be paid the same as a man for the same job. There is so much that feminism has done to make the woman’s lot better.
But there is a downside and I feel it’s growing. I have often joked (but it’s not really a joke anymore) that feminism has allowed me to have two full times jobs instead of one. What it’s really meant is that being a wife and mother and supporting the family fully is no longer of any value and any woman doing it should be ashamed of herself.
Whether we like it or not, women are the child bearers and as such it will define what we do more than anything else in our lives. For most of us having a child means a lifelong commitment to loving and supporting that little bundle of humanity until they become a large bundle of humanity who will probably still want your support no matter how old they are. How we handle that commitment will change from person to person. Some of us will readily admit, motherhood did not come naturally or easily. For others it is their defining moment in life. For others still it’s just something that is expected of them and there are some women who really just don’t feel the need.
Who is right and who is wrong. Well modern feminists will tell you not to reach for full potential is almost criminal.
But doesn’t that depend on how you define your full potential.
It’s like all those self-help books which tell you get rid of all those negative people who are making too many demands on you, out of your life. Mmmm. Sorry, kids I need my space and my freedom. Sorry mum and dad I’m far too busy reaching my full potential to look after you, the state can do it. Life simply isn’t that straight forward.
I would not want to go back to the ‘good’ old days when it was acceptable for your boss to slap you on the bum (although I don’t think any of mine would have dared). I do want equality but I want the equality of choice. Women are being bullied into becoming men. Why. We are different, we know we are physically different and our brains are slightly different. What is so bad about being different. Humanity is not and should not be an homogenous mess. I don’t want to be a man, I don’t want to be a scientist or a mathematician, or any other job that is considered ‘male’. I don’t personally think of any job as male or female. Mostly it’s to do with circumstances, intelligence, personality, upbringing, financial security. There is more flexibility in part time roles, the care industry, and retail for example and many women choose these industries, because strangely enough, many mothers still want to look after their children. As long as we recognise everyone is equal in the eyes of God what’s the problem. If you want to be a scientist, an MP, a high flying CEO then do it, there should be nothing stopping you, but if you want to stay home and look after the kids why should you feel belittled, told you have not reached your full potential and be made to feel you are not worthy in society. The stay at home mum is just as beneficial to society as the female surgeon. She gives as much, she should be valued as much.
I’m so tired of being told, there aren’t enough women in this job or that job. Not that I’ve ever heard there aren’t enough women down the mines. Give people, not men, not women, but people the opportunity to do the role they feel most suited to and stop trying to make them something they are not. Instead of forcing the issue allow it to find its own level. It will. Equality should be about choices, but I fear feminism is not about giving choices or opportunities, it’s about taking over from men, making men feel emasculated, bad human beings, getting revenge for all the real or perceived s*** men have dealt out to women over the years. I don’t want revenge, it doesn’t interest me, I want equality, the equality of choice. To have my life valued for who I am and what I have done, without it having a monetary attachment.
I’ve done both, stayed home and looked after the kids and had a career. Both can be fulfilling and often it’s a financial choice not a personal one, but there’s one thing I don’t regret, that’s putting my family first. I chose to have my children, I chose to look after my husband after his stroke, I chose to have my elderly disabled father living with me and I don’t seriously regret those choices for a single minute. They have limited my life, of course they have, they have meant that I had to limit whatever my potential was, but I don’t regret it.
I’ve come to the conclusion that there is one thing in this world which makes us all equal, we need to be loved and to give love. In all its forms. I love my family, so I’ve not reached my full potential career wise, okay, shame but that’s life. What I have achieved is a loving family where we all support each other and I don’t have any regrets about it and I’m old enough to appreciate it.
MC